It’s late… I should be closing my eyes until my mind falls asleep. But there’s just too much that needs writing. There’s always been something so therapeutic about expressing my heart on paper. Or should I say, expressing my heart on blog? However disjointed. And however many sets of unnecessary ellipses and short. little. sentences. it. takes. Tonight, I want to be real with you. Or should I say, real with myself? You see what I did there? :)
When I was about 14, I fell hopelessly in love with Jesus. I couldn’t get enough of Him. I had never in my life lived so unafraid. I had never before experienced that amount of joy. And I’ve spent the 11 years since comparing my relationship with God ‘now’ to the relationship I had with Him then… Needless to say, I fall short every time.
The past decade has seen its fair share of spiritual highs and lows. We all know that feeling after getting home from a conference like Acquire the Fire or a festival like Kingdom Bound. Fired up! And then completely back to our usual selves not 48 hours later. This has quite literally been the story of my life… I have spent a regrettable portion of my 25 years with such little understanding of God’s heart. That though my pursuit of Him has been nothing but inconsistent, He never stops pursuing me. And there is nothing I can do to stop Him.
At the start of 2013, I set a goal. I wanted to learn the heart of Jesus. To know it. Experience it. And in such little time, He has taught me so much. I’ve never felt as if I had a testimony worth sharing. But tonight, my testimony is simple… He saved me. He’s saving me. He orchestrates every single puny detail of my life. And lest you mistaken this for Christianese, believe me – it’s the literal truth. He is faithful. He’s never not been faithful. He is playful. And disruptive. And extravagant. He sustains me. And He chooses me. Every day of my life…
Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior
(My new anthem. Listen HERE! Image by Mustard Seed Photography.)
Stephanie - Lysiie, your enthusiasm + honesty pushes me to want to know Him more, too. Thank you.
Lacey Rabalais - Thanks for sharing your heart. This was an awesome post, no matter what the time. I’ve also felt like I never had a large testimony but I love how simple and real you made that. He saved me too and everyday He continues to pull me out of the darkness and He saves me again. Have a wonderful and blessed Easter!
Elisa - Thanks for sharing…you write so movingly and eloquently about your faith!
Stacy Kokes - I relate to this 100% and this post couldn’t have been more perfect timing in my own life. Thank you for sharing and encouraging us. God is using your testimony, however ‘simple’ it may be, to bring glory to His name!
Anna - Your true love for our Creator brings light to the same darkness in my life. The darkness of comparing my relationship ‘now’ to that which was ‘then’. Your openness about what you are learning, and a couple of other things I am encountering right now, are drawing me closer to Jesus’ heart– after not willingly being at His feet for quite a while. Thank you for sharing, Alyse. It means a lot to me!
Imani - Alyse, I have been SO encouraged/inspired by all of your facebook/blog posts lately. Thank you so much for your honesty, and for inspiring all of us to go deeper in finding out about our Savior!
Also, totally discovered “Oceans (Where Feet may Fail) because of you, and now I listen to it on average 3-4x per day! :)